You may notice that the title of my post and the picture are at odds. It is true. I went to look for pictures of teens and they were all smiling and happy and with friends and laughing....there was not a picture of a teen under stress. That is the first trick of teens, their beautiful smiles. A lot can hide behind them. If we wanted to do easy-way-out parenting we would just see their smile and think in the back of our minds and take a deep sigh and say, lucky us. They will hide all their pressures, practices, meetings, homework, ACT/SAT, college essays, picking a college, expectations, disappointments, friends, enemies, frenemies...so much more than we did when we were the same age.
What we need to do as parents is not take the easy way out. If you notice a change in your teens behavior, do not assume all is normal, that you have an average teen. Ask questions, lots of questions! Be THAT parent.
I often have my couples do this exercise, to increase communication, and I think it is great to do with teens. It consists of (3) quick questions. #1 How are you feeling today? (they must give you a feeling word), tired, stressed, worried, happy, overwhelmed, bored....they do not get to explain it. Just one word. This give you a really quick read on them, helps you navigate their mood. #2 What is the most important thing for you to get done today? It lets you know what may be stressing them, what their day entails. #3 Is there anyone that can help you with that? This gives us an opportunity to speak up, pitch in, or to remind them that we are there, if they must handle the task on their own. In (3) questions you know so much more about their day and (3) things that you can check in on them about. A quick text after their test, a reminder to grab a snack for after practice, an extra hug, one more 'I love you' as they back out of the driveway. Then in the evening you can ask the same (3) questions. A super easy check in. Very easy way to let your teen know you care and interested in their day. We can create some peace for them.
It took awhile, but I got in the connection to my picture : )
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